Yesterday, the force of the water from the hose pushed my back up against the wall and by the end of the day, I sat in a puddle on the floor. Today, I was able to dial back the faucet to a dribble, and ended the day with a feeling of accomplishment. Tomorrow the hose may be on full force again, but eventually it will slow to a trickle.
I have been told that it will take a year to a year-and-a-half to get this job down pat, but I reject that. How could it possibly take that long! I’ll show them! By year’s end I’ll be doing the backstroke while reading a book on top of the water coming out of the fire hose. Like Superwoman, I’ll use the hose to knock criminals off their feet. I’ll use the water to put out fires. I’ll use the hose as a ladder and climb tall buildings….
The message is clear…. some days it will be Niagara Falls. Some days it will be a lazy river, and some days it will be a slowly dripping faucet, or it could be a dry riverbed. But that’s the yin and the yang of working on your passion.
Fear is a powerful motivator. It motivates me to keep leaping from one tall building to another. For if I stay still too long, I may rust-up. I’ve been called brave, courageous, and inspiring, but what I really am is…. afraid. Afraid I’ll run out of time to do all the things I want. Afraid to stop exercising my brain for fear the Big A will catch me. Afraid I won’t accomplish what I was sent here to do. My biggest fear is that I’ll spend all this time on this earth and my presence will not have made a difference.
So now you know what really drove me to leave my home and my husband to cross the country to a new job. It was to follow my passion before my time runs out and the Big A catches up with me. For the first time in many years, I have stopped chasing the dollar and begun chasing my dreams. I am on my way to making a difference. I am helping people plant their dreams and watch their businesses grow. I have found that which I was supposed to do. After I fulfill my passion (if that’s possible), I will probably still be afraid, but then I can make small steps instead of leaping tall buildings.
No… I’m not brave, courageous, or inspiring…. I’m just Afraid.