When we lose someone through divorce or death, we grieve. When someone physically hurts us, we first feel pain then anger. Looking into the eyes of a toddler makes us smile and we experience joy. These are spontaneous emotions. Regret is a different story.
Regret is a man-made emotion. Not spontaneous, but deliberate. So when she asked me if I had any regrets, I was stumped. Apparently, she imagined that during the first part of my retirement, I would reflect on the past and have some regrets. My response to her was that I couldn’t regret that which I didn’t do, because there is no way to know the road not taken. As Frank Sinatra said… “regrets I’ve had a few, but few to mention … I planned each charted course, each careful step along the way… I did it my way.”
That was when I realized that regret is not a real emotion like grief, anger, or joy. It is a deliberate decision to feel bad. Hmmm… but that doesn’t make sense. Why would anyone choose to feel bad. But, that is what many of us do. We dwell. We ruminate. We consider the “what if”.
That is not my way. I recognize that the past contains many lessons, but what is done is done.
I have no regrets, but have learned many lessons.