I am exhausted. I run from project to project while squeezing in all the fun that my body can handle. In the last month, I spent two weeks creating a “Mauve me space” out of a guest room which included making the window dressing. Then I spent two weeks prepping for a renovation project of a rental property. On top of that, I am determined to exercise, which takes an hour-and-a-half out of a day and of course we have to remember to “have fun.” (Note: According to my husband… fun translates to dancing.) It is like a frantic game show where if I don’t beat the incessantly ticking clock then I lose. In actuality, always trying to beat the clock can be a sure way to lose sight of what is important.
One day I caught a glimpse of what had been right before me but I did not see. I had not noticed the beautiful sky on my morning walk to get the paper (but, now I do). I no longer heard the song birds and I payed scant attention to the squirrels scampering through the tree tops (but now I do). Recently I watched a summer thunder storm from our bedroom window.
Now I have a “transitional moment” to relax, but I’ve been fighting it. Like many others, I am between jobs. It doesn’t matter that this is a voluntary state. What matters is the psychic outcome. I’m in search of fulfillment that comes from a job well done.
Even though I say I want to work, I have noticed that I’m not doing much to make it happen. Ordinarily, I would be obsessing. I would be churning out resumes, networking like crazy, or working out a new entrepreneurial venture. So why aren’t I? As with all situations, there is never one answer. Aside from the obvious answers of I’ve worked hard and I desire a rest; or, I don’t want to work long hours again; or, I’m tired of doing the same type of work.
Maybe the real answer is my inability to relax into the ebbs of life. We need to take a lesson from nature with its sunrises and sundowns, and more importantly… the ebbs and flows of the oceans. The ebbs and the sundowns are essential. It is there that we recharge, replenish and recreate.
Even today, when I am psychologically (and physically) ready to relax, I have to prep for three days of “working travel” for our renovation project followed by a short contract doing proposal review. But I promise myself after that to “relax into the ebb”.