I’m In Love With My Husband

His leaving forced me to face my feelings. I had gotten used to his presence. He was my friend, my confidant, and my playmate. He was the one who knew all my secrets, my weaknesses, my insecurities. I knew not to take him for granted, but I did. Why shouldn’t I take his presence for granted. Why shouldn’t I take his love for granted. Why shouldn’t I take for granted the fact that he would always be there for me. But now… he’s not.

I awaken in the morning… open my eyes, and  his side of the bed is empty. I sit down for breakfast and his seat is empty. When coming home after work, I want to vent the days frustrations, but he’s not there to listen. I walk without him. I shop without him. Now I do everything without him and it feels so empty.

As the time for his departure approached, I would well up with tears, and I said to myself … what is wrong with you! It’s not the end of the world. You’ve lived alone before. In fact, you lived alone for 20 years before you married. You know how to take care of yourself! Get a grip! Then I became even more weepy. When friends asked when he was leaving, my eyes filled. I was so out of control.

Proclaiming one’s love makes one vulnerable, and that’s the last thing I want to be so some part of me holds on to the belief that I can have it both ways. I can “kinda” love him. I know I love him, but I don’t want him to know how much, because then he can take advantage. I don’t want to love him too much because then I can be hurt if we break up. Stop…. Enough already!

I’m in love with my husband. Now…. I’ve said it. I knew it but I didn’t proclaim it. I felt it and frequently said it to him. In the normal course of things, there is an assumption that we love our spouses or significant others, but we don’t dwell on it and don’t really think about it until something changes. Until we are forced to feel our feelings.

In 36 days, we’ll be reunited when I return home from the UAE.

Stay tuned.

7 thoughts on “I’m In Love With My Husband

  1. Wow, I can imagine how challenging being on your own right now must be. Of course there are ways to stay in touch, but there’s nothing like being together. So…now will you be doing the packing and moving on your own? Yikes!
    Good luck and enjoy your final weeks,
    Lissa

    • Actually, we are rediculously systematic people. Plus, he wanted to be sure to do all that he could before he left. We created a PowerPoint catalog of furniture for sale and sold 3/4ths of our stuff. People made deposits and agreed to pick up stuff later so I wouldn’t be in an empty place. I placed todo’s in my Outlook calendar and am now getting reminders every time I sign on. Plus, he is sending email reminders for things like closing the bank account and canceling visa. So, it’s kinda easy.

  2. OMG!! I’m not even married jet, but you make me think about the way I’ll feel. I use to be this independent women, then this guy came in my life and I can help my self (making sure no one knows, don’t help). So, I kinda understand you. When we have spend so much time alone, and we think “ok”, then is difficult to embrace our half. Auch! But is so necesary, because is not anymore..you or me. Now is WE. I love it!!!! Thank you for sharing this. I would stay tune. Have you brough sometime special for that day jet? post card? favorite recipe? favorite place to lunch? something? Ummmm that must be really sweet to plan. Hope for the best. Have fun my blogging pal!!! 🙂 Blessing to you.

    • No, I haven’t bought anything special for when I return, but thanks for the idea. I’ll start working on that.

    • I figured out the perfect gift for him, but can’t say here because he might see it. Will tell you about it after I give it to him (no it’s nothing sexy 🙂

  3. Very emotional to read as I am sure it was to write. Whaling up reading this in my work area….had to pause myself…. Its not July 31, 2015 and this was written 5 years ago. I am sure he feels the same way for you and neither of you take one another for granted.

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